"When we moms stomp around the house and mutter words that include lots of 'I's, its time to recognize that the Me Mom trap has been sprung."Yikes, I find myself doing this almost daily. "I have to do everything" and "I'm the only one who ever...." are part of my vocabulary. I need to consciously erase these phrases from my vocabulary. (I have a feeling I will be further convicted on these in tomorrow's Martyr Mom chapter...sigh).
When the kids don't pick up the toys when I ask (er, command) I start to elevate my voice and the longer it takes for them to "obey" in my opinion the more irritated I get with them. Until eventually after hours of tiptoeing through toys everywhere, I basically throw a mom tantrum. When a baby cries because they don't get what they want (fed, changed, etc) or a toddler whines because they don't get their way we tend to see this as negative behavioiur and work hard to correct it and don't tolerate this reaction. How am I being any different? A perspective I had never seen before.
I have a big problem with cleanliness, not that I don't clean but that I want things clean at all times. News Flash: young kids don't share this same view! Shocking! and it is taking me a long time to realize this. What's a few toys on the floor or hundreds it seems? I need to let go of my expectations for cleanliness. My house is clean (dirt free) but not necessarily tidy *gritting teeth* and that's okay. Eyster is right I am not raising robots,
"I am raising uniquely designed children who thrive best when they're encouraged in big ways"Yesterday (before reading this) I let the kids fold the kitchen towels and face cloths while I was preparing dinner, this is a big step for me, they are usually rolled neatly and placed in the drawer, but I let go of that control and let them do the job! They did fantastic!
I need to encourage them more about the jobs they are completing rather than harping on the few things they missed.
Our children need to be encouraged. They are constantly learning, especially when you are homeschooling because you are intentionally looking for learning moments all the time. Children will learn how to do things through experience, and we need to make that a positive experience not just barking orders at them.
I am changing my attitude as of now. I usually spend a good portion of the day handing out commands and giving them things to fix or clean up. I need to go back and re-evaluate what the important lessons they are learning out of this are. I need to stop arguing over measly toys on the floor and decide to "pick my battles." Daddy and I actually use a different phrase when it comes to our parenting. We always talk about "What issues/behaviours/values are we going to die on." Are we going to have a stand off over eating their potatoes at dinner? No. It's not something worth dying on. When our 5 year old back talks and is dis-respectful? That we are willing to die on.
I really liked Eyster's words:
"it's important that our focus be on helping them improve in the task at hand, not getting things done our way."This is truly convicting for me, I want everything put away in its place and with young kids, unless I do it, it doesn't work that way. They will put things away but not necessarily "straighten them up". Oh well. They will understand one day how to clean up themselves....right????
Our children:
"model behaviour they learn from us."Ain't that the truth? I've seen that time and time again when I over hear the kids saying "I'm sick and tired" or "this is just ridiculous". I am on a mission to change! I can't do it alone, I know that. I need the strength from God to lose my perfection ideal and to let the kids be kids and do things a little different than I would. To help me with this I think I will be reciting these 2 verses in my head:
Colossians 3:21 - Fathers[Mothers, too], don't aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
Ephesians 6:4 - Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.These instructions in Scripture should help me stay on track. I just have to catch myself whenever things "don't measure up" to my expectations.
Now, let me leave you with another Scripture to ponder:
Proverbs 14:1 - A wise woman builds her house; a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands.Lord, please help me to be a wise woman and mother and not allow me to tear down my own house.
For His Glory!
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