Help! I'm becoming a Me-mom

Today I read chapter 3 of the book Be the Mom. This chapter was titled "Me Mom Trap". By the end of the chapter, I had come to realize this is me! I am a Me mom. Hmm, that's not a good thing. Oh Boy, I have a lot to meditate on today. It first hit me when I read:

"When we moms stomp around the house and mutter words that include lots of 'I's, its time to recognize that the Me Mom trap has been sprung."

Yikes, I find myself doing this almost daily. "I have to do everything" and "I'm the only one who ever...." are part of my vocabulary. I need to consciously erase these phrases from my vocabulary. (I have a feeling I will be further convicted on these in tomorrow's Martyr Mom chapter...sigh).

When the kids don't pick up the toys when I ask (er, command) I start to elevate my voice and the longer it takes for them to "obey" in my opinion the more irritated I get with them. Until eventually after hours of tiptoeing through toys everywhere, I basically throw a mom tantrum. When a baby cries because they don't get what they want (fed, changed, etc) or a toddler whines because they don't get their way we tend to see this as negative behavioiur and work hard to correct it and don't tolerate this reaction. How am I being any different? A perspective I had never seen before.

I have a big problem with cleanliness, not that I don't clean but that I want things clean at all times. News Flash: young kids don't share this same view! Shocking! and it is taking me a long time to realize this. What's a few toys on the floor or hundreds it seems? I need to let go of my expectations for cleanliness. My house is clean (dirt free) but not necessarily tidy *gritting teeth* and that's okay. Eyster is right I am not raising robots,

"I am raising uniquely designed children who thrive best when they're encouraged in big ways"

Yesterday (before reading this) I let the kids fold the kitchen towels and face cloths while I was preparing dinner, this is a big step for me, they are usually rolled neatly and placed in the drawer, but I let go of that control and let them do the job! They did fantastic!

I need to encourage them more about the jobs they are completing rather than harping on the few things they missed.

Our children need to be encouraged. They are constantly learning, especially when you are homeschooling because you are intentionally looking for learning moments all the time. Children will learn how to do things through experience, and we need to make that a positive experience not just barking orders at them.

I am changing my attitude as of now. I usually spend a good portion of the day handing out commands and giving them things to fix or clean up. I need to go back and re-evaluate what the important lessons they are learning out of this are. I need to stop arguing over measly toys on the floor and decide to "pick my battles." Daddy and I actually use a different phrase when it comes to our parenting. We always talk about "What issues/behaviours/values are we going to die on." Are we going to have a stand off over eating their potatoes at dinner? No. It's not something worth dying on. When our 5 year old back talks and is dis-respectful? That we are willing to die on.

I really liked Eyster's words:

"it's important that our focus be on helping them improve in the task at hand, not getting things done our way."

This is truly convicting for me, I want everything put away in its place and with young kids, unless I do it, it doesn't work that way. They will put things away but not necessarily "straighten them up". Oh well. They will understand one day how to clean up themselves....right????

Our children:

"model behaviour they learn from us."

Ain't that the truth? I've seen that time and time again when I over hear the kids saying "I'm sick and tired" or "this is just ridiculous". I am on a mission to change! I can't do it alone, I know that. I need the strength from God to lose my perfection ideal and to let the kids be kids and do things a little different than I would. To help me with this I think I will be reciting these 2 verses in my head:

Colossians 3:21 - Fathers[Mothers, too], don't aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.

Ephesians 6:4 - Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.

These instructions in Scripture should help me stay on track. I just have to catch myself whenever things "don't measure up" to my expectations.

Now, let me leave you with another Scripture to ponder:

Proverbs 14:1 - A wise woman builds her house; a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands.

Lord, please help me to be a wise woman and mother and not allow me to tear down my own house.

For His Glory!

The Mom Trap - pt. 2

I have so far stuck to my plan and read chapter 2 of Tracey Lanter Eyster's Be The Mom. A few things stuck out to me today, a little more on the application side of being a mom.

"We are molding the future"

We really are, this is a huge responsibility. We are responsible for creating well-rounded, contributing members of society. We are responsible for bringing up our children in Christ and sharing the Gospel with them. We are their earliest influence when it comes to Christianity and we need to take that seriously. We need to be examples of what that means and we need to instill in them a love for God.

As moms we tend to get overwhelmed by the everyday (and never ending) tasks of laundry, housework, meal prep and clean up, helping the kids, cleaning up the kids, refereeing, correcting, and counseling our children. We get into a rut and feel that there has to be something better, something for us to look forward to. I am realizing it is all in our attitude. If I start out the day a bit cranky, than all of these things will seem so unimportant and mundane and I will get the feeling that I am just mom. If I can start my day in a good mood than these tasks feel completely different, I don't seem to mind them so much and actually feel more motivated to get everything done.

We have to let go of the mindset that society says:

"We are putting our real careers on hold".

Being a mom is not a sabbatical from our "real" careers. Being mom is my career now. I really found help in Eyster's words,

"Being a mom is not a less than choice, its not about what I'm not doing, but about what I am doing".

I have a very important role in my family, it is the reason my family functions, the reason there is cooked food on the table, the reason there are clean clothes in the drawer, the reason my children are taught school everyday, the reason the baby is not in a dirty diaper all day. I am caring for my children, my most precious commodities. I am making life easier for my husband, I am making it able that he can leave the home and go to work everyday then come home and be fed and well cared for. I have the most important career there is.

One thing in today's culture that really irritates me is the idea of "me time." I find this to be a truly selfish desire. Usually people are not content in what their life is and feel they are entitled to selfish time, where they need to only care about themselves. I find this terrible. I do think you need to have something that is a joy to you outside of your daily tasks, but not necessarily time to yourself all the time. Eyster, brought this thought into my head with her words,

"You haven't lost yourself; you've found who you were destined to be".

Why is being a mom not good enough for so many people? Why do they look down on us?

Later today I am going to work on "The Plan" suggested in this chapter:
1. "Mom Uniform" - wear what makes you look and feel good. Right now I am 8 months pregnant, nothing makes me look good, things are uncomfortable and tight, so right now sweatpants on days we stay home are my uniform, haha.
2. "Create a schedule with white space" - The white space is for unexpected things that come up. I think I need to do this, just so I know what I need to get done and so we stay on track better. The La-Dee-Da days are not working for keeping us on task lately.
3. "Eat Meals" - the idea being missing meals = hunger = grouchy. I will try to eat at a reasonable time, not just once I get everything else done.
4. "When kids nap do something to relax" - I do this! Yay me! I realized a couple months ago that I needed to use this time to refresh, instead of catching up on other chores. Actually, it was when all the issues with this pregnancy started and I had to sit whenever I got the opportunity. Thank you to a tremendous group of online friends I have, I have found a love for knitting! So, while kids nap I eat my lunch (I'll try to eat earlier now) and then knit. Ironically, most of my knitting is for my kids, though, haha.
5. "Physical Activity everyday" - never thought about this. We are pretty active but could stand to be more intentional about it. We can all get our silly's out.
6. "Smile and Giggle, create a home full of cheer" - we need to have more fun, on purpose.
7. "Quiet time for you with the kids" - This is something we've recently discovered on our own too. Everynight after dinner and piano practice, the kids assemble at the table for a bedtime snack and we do a Read Aloud together. It has really helped to wind down before bed instead of the running around and wrestling used to.

To conclude today's lessons (I have a lot to do later to implement these things) Eyster has drawn me to 2 Corinthians 4:1 - Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. God has given me 3 (almost 4) beautiful children and has given me the opportunity not only to stay home with them daily but also to homeschool them, I need not lose heart.


For His Glory!

The Mom Trap

I came across a book awhile ago, mentioned by a friend, I ordered it and it has sat on my shelf for a couple months now waiting. Recently, I have found myself struggling a little in the "just a mom", poor me role. I felt convicted to start reading this book. Instead of reading it through in a day or two, I've decided to really take my time and study this book each day. Every night during snack before bed I sit at the table with the kids and read a chapter from a book (we are reading the last chapter of The Magician's Nephew tonight). We only read 1 chapter a night because otherwise it is more than they can retain in one sitting. Hmmm, if I follow this with my kids, why shouldn't I follow the same logic when it comes to my own study? So, I've decided instead of simply reading Be The Mom I would actually study and meditate on it each day. I also found out there is a website that goes along with it so I will have to take a look here too. We'll see how easily I stay on task....

Today was Day 1. I read chapter 1: My Momlife Journey. I made notes on some of the things that impacted me while reading and I then went to scripture to give myself the scriptural basis I need to do these things. So, here are my notes/convictions that came out of Tracey Eyster's book, chapter 1.

"Parenting isn't for the faint of heart, because parents bear enormous responsibility for the life and future of their children." Oh man, really? Stink! I have a lot of responsibility outside of making meals, teaching school, laundry, bathing, changing diapers. I am impacting them daily. I need to hear this, especially when the everyday life seems so mundane. I really do have a purpose to serve, and it doesn't matter if I'm the only one who notices that. Well, off to Scripture I went (no offence, but I need to hear this straight from God, too.) Deuteronomy 6:5-7 says Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These Commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. That's heavy, atleast for me. I need to constantly be impressing the love of God onto my children. Convicted.

"The entire momlife journey is filled with moments of greatness and moments of great failure." Ain't this the truth? There are days when you really think you did something positive in your child's life. Then there are days when you are pretty sure you just yelled all day and constantly disciplined..... This is an area I need to work on. Realizing it is okay to fail some days, or atleast appear to fail, but then at the end of the day my 3 year old can recite an entire Bible verse we only introduced the day before, and it puts into perspective what is important.

"There is a reason motherhood is referred to as the hardest and most important job in the world." I don't think anyone would argue that it is the toughest job, but important? I know this, I have been told this many times, but as for actually feeling that when you haven't showered in 3 days, your kids disobey you at every turn, and no one likes dinner it is a little harder to accept. I just have to remember that I am doing God's work by being their mother and by staying home to care for them and teach them. Proverbs 22:6 says Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. We can't rely on others to teach our children these values and they are definitely not going to learn proper values in the "real world." I am in MY career as a Wife and Homemaker, and that it has value, despite what society will tell you. That is what makes it harder, in my opinion, the lack of respect and value placed on the stay-at-home-mom by society and even other mothers.

"I quit" thoughts. These do go through my head sometimes, actually a lot less than they should strangely. There have been days where I think it would be easier for me to send my kids to public school for 6+ hours a day and get "a break" from them, but in the end that would do more harm than good. It may seem appealing at times but it is not what Daddy and I want for our family and in our view it would be detrimental to our family unit. In the end, I could never send my kids away for the day (school or daycare), I just couldn't have someone else be an influence on my kids more than myself and Daddy. They need their mother home raising them and homeschooling them. These thoughts actually aren't too often because we have such strong convictions about it.

"Surely I was put on this earth for something more important than this!" Nope! There is nothing more important than being the mother of my children. Titus 2:4-5 says Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. My husband and my kids are my world, they are my career and they are the reason I was put on this earth. They are my ministry and my job is serving them.

In the end, I wouldn't have it any other way! I love them all more than they will ever know.

For His Glory!


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Time to get back into this

Well, its been a loooong time since my last post. Longer than I even realized, since I had a hard time finding my blog again.

The "hiatus" (can you call it that after only 3 posts?) was in large part due to some stress/trauma we have had surrounding Baby 4.0. I had some on and off spotting starting at week 12, nothing too concerning, it happens to a lot of people I'm told. Well, around week 16 on my way out to pick up a birthday present for Strawberry's 3rd birthday it all went down hill, or so we thought.

I had gone alone (3 kids at Toys R Us = no go for us). I was in my van driving to the store when I felt a gush. I was driving so, I just touched my pants and looked at my hand....BLOOD! I was covered in blood. I frantically (shaking, crying) turned around and headed home. The one time, ONE TIME my husband doesn't have his phone with him (he took the kids out for a walk). I pull in, he comes running. I get cleaned up and we head to Emerg. We got put right through, no wait. Things are seeming very sad and bleak at this point.

The dr. comes in with an ultrasound and there, hanging on tight is a miracle baby with a strong heartbeat. Unbelievable! Atleast to us, not to God. Well, the next few days, week will be the true test, baby has a high likelihood of miscarriage due to what I was diagnosed with a SubChorionic Hemmorrhage. Now, I know you are never supposed to consult with Dr. Google but I couldn't help it, no one knew anything. I don't know what's worse...the stuff you can find on google and don't want to know or the fact that THERE WAS NOTHING ABOUT IT AT ALL ON GOOGLE!!!!

Anyways, fast forward 4 months to today. Baby 4.0 is growing strong and healthy, the SCH continued to grow until last month but he (yes HE) continued to grow unaffected. We are 8ish weeks from delivery and he is a seemingly healthy baby boy. I have had 7-8 ultrasounds this time, far too many times to fill up a pregnant woman's bladder to the point of exploding. With my 1st 3 kids I had 1 ultrasound each.

We are *slowly* preparing for his birth, more like procrastinating since, you know, we already have everything...wherever it is...should start looking, cleaning things up, but there's still 8 weeks to do that, right?

So, that would be the reason I have been away from here for so long. I am hoping to pick back up and get regular....I hope.

Baby 4.0 (baby boy 3.0) is expanding reasonably, so I'm told...
Here he is at 32ish weeks:

For His Glory!